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February 11, 2012
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February 12, 2012

It’s what you don’t say

It’s strange but looking back on all the disagrements and fights I’ve been involved in it was almost always about something I did or didn’t do. You fight with people more often than not because of how you said something rather than what was actually said. Very rarely are you ever in a fight with someone because you actually walked up to someone and called them a Capital D-bag to their face. Most fights start out single sided. One person is upset about your tone, they way you looked at them, or because you didn’t show up when expected. Very rarely do people actively engage in a fight for the same reason. Both don’t identify the same moment as what set you  triggered the disagreement. Most people fight in a very subtle way. When’s the last time someone threw a drink in your face, or hit on your significant other, or cut down your mom to get you going and start a knock down brawl. Maybe men are more inclined to fight that way, but women most certainly are not. We fight the same way we have since Kindergarten, when you strategically decide who can come to the party and who can’t. It’s ingrained in us to appear cordial and polite and never verbally articulate the problem to one another at all. It’s strange how a man would rather match wits or throw a chair at you in a bar fight then to articulate that he’s upset and disappointed, offended, or feels threatened . Women in contrast would rather tear you down to each other and actively ignore you than to ever express to you what caused the problem in the first place. Fighting and conflict, which seems to require the highest level of communication, very rarely relies on words at all. It’s what you don’t say.

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