The 2nd Amendment and the NRA Fallacy
December 27, 2012
Man’s Bestfriend
December 30, 2012

Your Rights

schoolhouse rock bill

***DISCLAIMER*** Now, there are all sorts of viewpoints out there; Some lean left, some lean right. I am not here to sway you one way or the other. I am only going to outline my opinion. This is specifically social commentary. In case you don’t already know, to comment on society you have to first have a view point to look from, and then you have to say something about it. In our digital age, we are judged on our flare and style and comm of the English language. I guarantee you that I have to make this fun (or at least entertaining in the broadest sense of the word) or you will quit coming back. This is just another part of journalism, media and freedom of speech; it’s the opinion part. This isn’t exactly news and in case you didn’t already know, Fox and MSNBC aren’t exactly news either.   You can take it, leave it, agree with it or not. We can have a friendly debate. If we can’t be friendly I suggest you go somewhere else and start writing your own blog or, at the very least, just stop reading this one.  Below is the article. Remember, it’s important to look at the entire document to form an argument or support an opinion. As my uncle the preacher would say, “you can’t preach a whole sermon on just one verse”. So please don’t take me out of context.*****

‘Our Rights” By Kashlynne

You might recognize the picture at the top of the page. This is ‘Bill’ from School House Rock.  In that episode, Bill goes to the hill to become a law. I see a  lot of stuff all over the internet. People talking about the constitution and it’s affordances. The thing that baffles me is that people lack a basic underst ing of what it is and what it was intended for.

The constitution- the basis of our government adopted in the 1700’s, ratified (adopted as law) at the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, PA. Made up of the articles, and the Amendments. The 1st eight are the personal bill of rights and the next two put the 1st  eight in context. The rest of the amendments are additional laws and other parts that were added and sometimes later removed from the constitution. The constitution used to be considered a bit more fluid and able to change with the times. Let’s take a look; there are 27 in all.


1st: “Express yourself” including speech, press, assembly “protecting Jenna Jameson productions, TMZ,   the Westboro Baptist Church”

2nd: “Protect yourself” The right to defend yourself; access to “arms” -a weapon- in the broadest sense of the word. “If we’re entitled to the same weapons as the militarily (ei. AK47) to over throw a tyrannical government, then does uranium count too?

3rd:  “Keep your house to yourself” -people can’t be forced to house a soldier at anytime against their consent. “Does this apply to my dishonorably discharged brother-in-law too? He’s got to get off my couch, on his feet, and outta here.”

4th “Keep your stuff to yourself” -search and seizure – “The glove compartment’s locked and so is the trunk in the back, and I know my rights so you gonna need a warrant for that” 99 problems- Jay Z

5th “Don’t incriminate yourself” “Due process (also see the 14th)” “I plea the 5th” -From every movie ever done involving police and a legal story line from “Matlock” to “Law and Order” and “Beverly Hills Cop” to “The Heat”

6th-“Pay your bail, yourself ” (or just put up the deed to your mom’s house if she’ll let you) “The right to a speedy trial, and to know your accuser ” “She lies! That little slut   the judge knew he was full of  **** and gave him 25 years!!!! And now his heart is filled with tears” “Date Rape Song” -Sublime

7th “Plead your case to people like yourself” A trial by jury of your peers “Wasn’t it weird that the jury was all white in To Kill a Mockingbird?”

8th “Don’t torture yourself” No cruel  unusual punishment, (2005) “Bush gives middle finger to Habeas Corpus with the term, enemy combatant, pushed through under a law classified as a National Emergency Act”

9th “Don’t label yourself”- Affording protection to un-enumerated or un-named rights not already outlined in the 1st 8 amendments. “The most famous application of this amendment comes from the practice that spouses can’t testify against each other”

10th “Check yourself before you wreck yourself” -Rights not specifically given to the Government will be treated as rights given to the states and the people.  Meet Jan Brewer, keeping the 10th amendment on it’s toes one lawsuit at time.

11th “We’re the government, so screw yourself” -Sovereign Immunity- you can’t sue the government directly as a single entity and BTW this also applies in some extent to Native American and Amish L s, but sadly Utah was not included. “It’s Good to Be the King” -Mel Brooks in History of the World part One, part two coming soon.

12th ‘You can’t elect yourself” Election process defined-These laws outline the process in which elections are held. This is where 270 became a magic number. “So we fake an election; it’s not that hard. 2000. Florida. Hanging chads. I was there.” Berry Pepper-‘Casino Jack’

13th “He’s no different from yourself” -No more slavery-  “Broken eggs can not be mended. I have issued the emancipation proclamation, and I cannot retract it” -Abraham Lincoln.

14th “Map yourself” -Creating judicial jurisdictions- ” the reason Arnold could be a governator but not a presinator” “Well you see in Texas there’s none of this long lines of appeals like you got in them other states. No. If you kill someone in cold blood you don’t just sit around for 25 years waitin’ to die. If more than two people saw you do it, you go straight to the front of the line” -Ron White “Blue Collar Comedy Tour”

*** Keep them to yourself*** footnote: sections 3 and 4 deal with the idea of seceding from the union.  While a secession facilitated by ordinary citizens is not specifically barred our outlawed by this section. People holding office in the area facilitating the rebellion are to be fired unless 2/3 of the house  senate vote to keep them on the payroll but they will “never ever” put a cost incurred by the area for said rebellion on the books.

20 states applied to secede after Obama was declared the 2012 Presidential Election Winner- Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas.

“Wow…. that could potentially be a lot of unemployed people?”

15th “Well, at least say he’s like yourself” -minority male suffrage- “Race cannot bar someone from voting, but not actually accepted and implemented everywhere until the civil rights movement in the 1960’s two centuries later ” P.S. Martin Luther King Jr. had to dream for a reason.

16th “Tax Yourself” -Income tax is born- Rumor has it this was to make up for income lost from prohibition Amendment #18.

17th “Can’t pick yourself” (State Level) outlines the guides for picking a representative of the people. “If they represent me why is it that Congress is mostly made up of a bunch of crazy old white people?”

18th “Don’t waste yourself” -Prohibition- The corner store can’t sell alcohol, cocaine,  opium, heroin, marijuana or anything else dangerous anymore. We’re gonna create the FDA to watch out  for us. It’s so that people stop putting talc in the flour and other things uncovered by the book “The Jungle”.

19th ‘Speak for yourself”‘ -Women’s suffrage- Feminism is born; women chained to phone booths and on hunger strikes to get there and implement it. “The man is the head and the wife is the neck, what they don’t know is the neck actually controls the head” – said by cynical women everywhere.

20th ” Move yourself” – The day the president takes office is officially January 20th- “Oh and you have so much stuff to move from your apartment, have you ever moved out of the white house? The last president to be kept on the books for the secret service were the Clintons”

21st “You still can’t waste yourself but we’ll now let you drink with yourself” -prohibition is repealed- “Goodbye speak easy, bath house yet to come”

22nd “You can’t King yourself” -President’s can only serve two terms- “There were three terms with a George Bush as president, and a certain percent of people don’t know 41 and W are different people”-My High School Marketing teacher explaining br recognition

23rd “Include yourself” – Outlines voting for the capitol city of Washington D.C. “What does this mean? There is needle exchange program around the block but this says I have to drive to Maryl  to vote?”

24 “Keep your money  opinions to yourself” “No poll tax” “Outlines there can be no cost directly linked to voting”

25th “Leave yourself” Explains presidential disability and succession “Okay. Got it. This is the reason Lyndon Johnson was president and the only possible way that Sarah Palin could ever be president ”

26th “Kid don’t express yourself”- voting age 18- People have asked why the age for #26 is lower than the age for #21 since before Lyndon Johnson became president. “Why should I serve my country if my country can’t serve me?”

27 th “Can’t set your wage yourself” -Representatives in Congress can’t vote to increase their own pay- And this why Jack Abramoff wanted to be a super lobbiest when he grew up, which is  coincidentally the same reason we coined terms like “Earmarks”, “Kick Backs” and “Pork-barrel spending”.

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