I read an interesting article written by a sex columnist about why our generation can’t make marriage work. He had some good points, listing the hookup tech focused culture of the current era. Also taking blame: a mention of the poor economy, mounting student debts, and the quest to be internet famous, tops the list. Divorce has been put at the forefront of psychology research and fear-mongering columnists since the 70’s. The latchkey kids have now grown up and they have the same marital problems as their parentshad before them. So is it the fault of GEN X, the pervasiveness of technology, or good ol’ poor relationship skills that have caused us to make the same mistakes.
I don’t know that there is a definitive answer to this plight. I’ve known people who divorced, people who have stayed together, and people that should divorce. I wouldn’t call it a pervasive generational curse, like some would like to believe. A certain percent of the population will always divorce sighting irreconcilable differences (whatever that means in English). As the Portuguese would say, “Je de tu gente” this is the way of people.
But I do believe some people in my generation do fall into the self-centered-entitled-poor-work-habit-wayward-unrealistic category. I think people have problems when they don’t vet their spouses. If you’ve never met his parents, and after six weeks you’re thinking about marriage I would caution you that I’ve had a longer relationship with the carton of milk in my fridge. I’m not against marriage but I do tend to believe in lust at first sight, rather than love.
I’ve been with my husband for nine years and married four years in June. I don’t have all of the answers but I can tell you I love him unconditionally during good jobs and bad, during health and sickness, during good moods and bad. I’ll tell you what our secret is. We went through trials together, I saw his character and it made me love him even more. I’m not going to lie and say our marriage hasn’t seen ups and downs but that is what marriage is. It’s about having a partner in life and loving them more each day. If you are considering marriage I would caution you to wait until you experience some of life’s curve balls together, before saying “I Do”. Vet your spouse, meet their friends and family, and look at how they treat the waiter in a restaurant, it says a lot about people.
I know some great couples. These are people that balance each other so well you ‘d think they were made for each other. It doesn’t come easy. These are people who have faced cancer, disabilities, and lost children. Most people pray they never have challenges like this, but the people I know who have waded the storm have the happiest marriages. Don’t fear the unknown and the unfortunate circumstances you may find yourselves in, it just makes you grow together, stronger than you were.